Embracing Eternity Read online

  “And if it’s not possible?”

  “It must be, Gabriel. I cannot believe that anyone who desires it so wholeheartedly is truly beyond redemption. Not even the Fallen.”

  Gabriel and Michael gaped at him.

  “Did you not tell them, Raphael?” Evan eyed the Archangel of Guardians.

  “Tell us what?” Michael turned toward Raphael, his hands closing into fists.

  “I saw no point. The Fallen are lost to us. Philomela cannot return.” Raphael’s tone indicated he considered the matter closed, but Evan wouldn’t let it go without answers. If Meela was truly lost, he’d accept it. He’d considered her lost for ten thousand years, after all.

  But he needed to be sure.

  “There has been no review of the written Law then?” Evan asked.

  “No. I saw no point in pursuing the matter.”

  “If the Law is in question, I should have been consulted,” Gabriel broke in.

  “Would one of you be kind enough to tell me what cause this is?” Michael demanded. “I do not like being left in the dark in matters concerning demons.”

  “Forgive me.” Evan gave all three of the archangels a small bow of deference. “I mentioned my quest to Raphael, although not in its entirety. I wish to know what I must do to redeem Meela and bring her back to Heaven.”

  Gabriel’s face went slack with shock and his wings drooped.

  “For once I doubt the truth when I hear it,” Michael said. “You intend to bring a demon into Heaven?”

  “No, I intend to bring an angel home.”

  “Evan, she’s not an angel.” Gabriel’s voice was kind but the words stung.

  “She is and she belongs in Heaven, with me. With us.” He could not allow them to sway him on this matter. Meela needed him to bring her home.

  He needed her to come home.

  “It is not like you to be so defiant,” Raphael said, his tone gentle but chiding. “Even if by some miracle there was a way to bring her back from Damnation, you cannot expect anything to have changed between you. You were never the object of her affections, Evan. That is not likely to change.”

  The truth of Raphael’s words stabbed at him. Meela had never loved him. While he still dreamed of the day that might change, he knew it was unlikely.

  Her lack of love for him didn’t matter. It never had. He loved her, totally, completely, to the depths of his soul. Nothing would ever change that.

  “I am not doing this in hopes of earning her love,” he said, quietly but with firm determination. “I do love her. I tried to stop when she Fell, but my heart is fixed. Because I love her I want to see her happy, even if that happiness does not include me. All I ask is that the possibility of redemption be investigated.”

  The three archangels shared that look again, as if they were conferring on something to which he was not privy.

  Finally, Gabriel spoke. “Very well, Evan. I will investigate Meela’s status but until I have completed this task and rendered my final opinion on the matter, you are ordered to stop offering her sustenance. We do not want you visiting her and you are absolutely forbidden to offer her any more of your power.”

  * * * * *

  Evan sent a call to Ren before visiting. The last interruption had been more embarrassing than he wanted to admit. Angels were not known for their sexual modesty, and Evan’s reserved ways had often drawn ridicule from the others.

  Thankfully this time Ren and Adam were not otherwise engaged and Evan was immediately invited to enter their house.

  “Evan, welcome to my home. It is good to see you again,” Ren said as soon as Evan appeared in the living room.

  Home. The word took Evan aback for a moment. The idea that an angel would see any place but Heaven as home felt strange and yet he could see the love for this house in Ren’s eyes.

  “I thank you for your hospitality, my friend. I trust you and Adam are well.”

  “Very much so. He is still at work but should be home in an hour. Will you stay long enough to greet him?”

  “If I wouldn’t be intruding. It would be good to see him again.”

  “Sit, please,” Ren said, waving toward a chair. “You have likely come for information. I haven’t completed my research but I will share what I have found.”

  “Good news, I hope.” Evan perched on the edge of the seat, too anxious to sink into its comforting embrace.

  “Good or bad depends entirely upon one’s perspective.”

  Evan bit back a smile. Renatus was ever the lawyer.

  “Then perhaps you should simply share and let me determine how good it is.”

  Ren nodded and a scroll appeared in his hand. He peeled back the gilded cover and rolled out the thick sheaf of pages.

  “I have found no legal precedent for the redemption of a demon. Likewise I have found no basis for a human soul to be redeemed after it has been sent to Hell. While this is hardly unexpected, I know you were hoping for something different.”

  Evan’s wings drooped over the arms of the chair and he leaned back, dejected. “So you have found nothing to help Philomela’s case?”

  Ren shot him a look over the top edge of the scroll. “Technically speaking, Philomela has no case. Her trial ended ten thousand years ago and we are exploring a theoretical situation.”

  Evan clamped his lips shut. Theoretical, his pinfeathers. There was nothing theoretical about saving Meela, nothing at all. He had every intention of seeing her back in Heaven and wouldn’t stop pursuing this until she was home.

  “Now,” Ren continued, “there is a precedent for human souls who have a near-death experience but never fully enter Hell’s gate. In these cases the soul hasn’t completely lost its grip on humanity. Because it is still human and has not lost mortality, when it returns to the body, the person has an opportunity to make changes in life that may ultimately lead to redemption.”

  Ren’s words trailed off as he spread the scroll across the coffee table and leaned over it. He occasionally mumbled to himself and Evan suspected he’d lost himself in the scroll. Ren flipped over a leaf and dragged his finger over the words on the new page.

  “Renatus, what does this mean for Meela?”

  “Hmm?” Ren looked up and blinked in confusion.

  “This news, with the humans who escape Hell and are redeemed. What does this mean for Meela and her redemption?”

  “Why, nothing. She’s a demon. She’s never had any humanity in her. If there is a correlation between those humans and the Fallen, I fail to see it. I shall continue to look, though.”

  “Then why mention it?” Evan snapped, rising to his feet to pace the breadth of the room.

  Ren stood, the scroll dangling from one hand and his expression one of bewilderment. “I know you are anxious, but you must understand that due process must be followed. We have no evidence that demons can be redeemed at all, or that they should be.”

  “You do not believe she should be redeemed?” Evan stopped short, trying to ignore the disappointment Ren’s words brought. He’d hoped that Ren’s anger would have eased some once he knew Meela was changing.

  “Evan, please…” Ren paused, noticeably choosing his words, and Evan tensed. As an Angel of Annunciation, Ren spoke truth to those who did not wish to hear it. It was not in his nature to temper his words or attempt diplomacy. For him to do so now was not encouraging.

  “Please just say it, Ren. Your honesty is an admirable trait. Don’t try to evade truth to salvage my feelings.”

  “Very well.” Ren gave a formal half bow in assent. “I understand that you have affection for Meela. You always have. But your feelings are not shared by any resident of Heaven, myself included. She was not just one of the demons who tortured me in my time of punishment, she was a leader. Because I was part of her trial, she blamed me and was determined to make me suffer.

  “And she did, every minute of every hour I spent at the demons’ mercy, Meela was there. If anything, I have more reason to despise her. No. I do not want h
er to be redeemed. I don’t believe she deserves forgiveness for anything.”

  Every word Ren spoke was a blow to Evan’s heart. He’d known Meela wasn’t loved, that the angels didn’t trust her, but it had never occurred to him that she might be considered unforgivable. Worst of all, he had no words to speak in her defense. She had rightfully earned their ire. Even if she returned home, she could be an eternal outcast.

  “Evan, what did you expect?” Ren asked gently. “She is demon, with no kindness in her. You love the cherub you remember, not the creature she is now.”

  “She is not fully demon. I’ve spoken with her. I’ve held her and felt her soul. She is still an angel. She still feels love. She still has compassion in her. She could have had me at her mercy and made no move to harm me. She urged me to save myself. These are not the actions of a true demon.”

  “You see what you want to see.”

  “And you are blind to what you do not wish to be true.” With a frustrated sigh, Evan sank into the chair. “If you truly hate her so, why are you helping me? Surely this goes beyond simple gratitude for watching over your human.”

  Ren crossed the room to perch on the ottoman by Evan’s feet. “We are much alike,” he said quietly. “Neither of us really fit in, did we? Despite our private natures, I have ever considered you a friend, someone I could rely on when others may forget me, and someone who would stand by me when others turned their backs. My affection for you far outweighs any displeasure I feel toward a demon.”

  Evan didn’t know what to say to that. No one had ever expressed any deep love for him before. He was the awkward one, the one others avoided. To know Ren considered him so worthy left him beyond words.

  He pulled a wing forward and began running his fingertips over a disheveled flight feather. He didn’t say anything until he had it smooth and orderly once more.

  “Have you consulted with Gabriel?” he finally asked.

  “Not yet. I wanted to have some tidbit of information to present him first.”

  “Please, take him what you have. The archangels have expressed concern. I would like to give them some reassurance that I am attempting to determine law and not operating in willful ignorance.”

  Ren’s breath rushed out. “All three of them? Evan, you must take care. If the archangels have approached you, then you are in danger of going too far with this. Step away from Meela and let their worries die down. We are infinite creatures. We have, quite literally, all of time to do this.”

  Evan shook his head. Meela might exist forever, but this moment in her existence was fleeting. “That is where you are wrong. Meela is ready to come home now, and if we miss this opportunity, I believe she will be lost forever.”

  She was fragile. If she didn’t get help now, when she needed it the most, she’d never trust him or any angel to help her again.

  Before Ren could answer, the rumbling noise of the garage door opening filled the room. In an instant, Ren’s worry vanished, wiped away by the sheer joy of Adam arriving home.

  “Evan, will you join us for our meal?” Ren rose and began walking toward the door connecting the house to the garage.

  “I will.”

  The door opened and Ren met Adam with a kiss so full of pure love it made Evan’s heart ache. Would he ever have a chance to experience love and contentment like theirs?

  He sent up a quick prayer that he and Meela would someday share a love like this, and stepped forward to greet Adam.

  Chapter Five

  Meela crouched in the corner of the abandoned house, using precious power to remain unseen while she watched her prey. The human was hurting, desperate, and anything Meela did was guaranteed to make it worse. Desperation drove her here, but reluctance kept her from taking the power she’d so neatly cornered.

  Her stomach lurched at the idea of feeding from the girl, but there was no other way to stave off the pain of hunger.

  “I thought we had agreed you wouldn’t do this again.”

  Meela’s heart lurched in her chest as he appeared in the doorway. His fists were clenched at his sides and he was stiff with anger. The hard line of his body radiated tension and a raw masculinity, making her hyperaware of him as a seraph. His maleness called to her on a primal level, unsettling her.

  He wasn’t wearing Earthly garb today. Instead he was clothed in the white robes worn in Heaven. His mahogany hair and feathers stood out against the snowy fabric.

  As did his flushed cheeks.

  His eyes were dark with hurt and betrayal, and an unwelcome sense of shame assailed her. He’d entrusted her with power, had such faith that she would not violate that trust by preying on any of his human charges.

  And yet, here she was, a helpless one caught firmly in her net.

  “I fed you so you wouldn’t need to feed on humanity. And yet, here you are.” He waved one hand at the room. It was much like the one where he’d found her before…decayed and steeped in the ghosts of immorality.

  Faded paper peeled away from the walls and a human girl sat in the corner, crying and unaware of their presence. Her misery permeated the room, carrying with it the fragile thread of power.

  Power a demon could take.

  Meela took a deep breath and willed her thundering heart to slow down. “I don’t remember that conversation.”

  “I remember it. Clearly.”

  “Really? All I remember is you feeding me. Nothing was said of not looking for another meal.”

  Meela turned her back on Evan and tried to pretend her heart didn’t give a happy little flip at the sound of his voice.

  Her breath caught as he moved behind her. His robes just brushing her flesh, the gossamer cloth catching on the rough edges of her scales. His hand cupped her shoulders and she closed her eyes as tight as she could. Closed them before she could glance down. Closed them before she could see his golden skin against the dead blackness of hers.

  “I’ll feed you. I’ll take care of you. All you have to do is ask,” he whispered.

  She shrugged his hands off and stepped away from temptation.

  “And what happens when you’re not there?”

  “I’ll be there.”

  “No, you won’t.” He couldn’t be. If he wasn’t here, she wouldn’t have an opportunity to betray him. If he didn’t leave her forever, Lucifer could force her take him.

  She couldn’t let that happen.

  The back of her skull began to itch and searing heat spread from the spot. Fire coursed through her veins, taking root in her muscles.

  The thought of protecting Evan had triggered the oath sworn to the Master. It coiled through her, making her arms twitch and locking her jaw against the words that would drive Evan away to safety.

  “I cannot become dependent on you,” she said instead. If she couldn’t warn him outright, perhaps simple discouragement would save him.

  Silence stretched out behind her, so long, so deafening that she had to fight the urge to look to make sure he hadn’t left her alone again.

  “What happened?” His whisper broke the silence as completely as an explosion. Barely audible over the human’s sobs, it echoed through her soul louder than a shout from a hilltop.

  “You left and reality happened. You can’t keep bad things away, Evan. Lucifer is my Prince, my Master. When you leave I am still subject to him, and you can’t change that.” And neither could she.

  Silence fell again but this time she had no doubt he was there, watching her as intently as she watched the human.

  “I can. I’ll take care of you. You just have to let me.”

  The promise tore at her. She wanted to believe him, wanted to throw herself in his arms and beg him to take her away from all this pain and misery.

  But he was just one angel, and Lucifer commanded a Legion. There was nothing Evan could do to help her.

  He walked around her to kneel in front of the weeping girl. He reached out and placed a hand on her head. She seemed to feel his presence, despite not being able to see
or hear him. Her despair waned and her crying eased to sniffles.

  If only he could erase Meela’s heartaches so easily.

  “I will leave you now.” He stood abruptly and moved away from the human.

  Meela stared at Evan, not sure she’d heard correctly. “Alone? With her?”

  “Alone and with her. Come to me afterward.” He strode toward the door.

  “Wait, after what? Where will you be?” She followed him, her heart pounding so hard she could barely hear herself speak.

  “You will know. My power is still within you. It will lead you to me if you allow it.” He cupped her jaw in what should have been a reassuring gesture, but it just managed to scare the shit out of her.

  He was really leaving. He wasn’t supposed to do this.

  “Why?” Leaving a vulnerable human alone with a demon broke every rule of guardianship. It was his job to defend this girl, dammit.

  Without him there, Meela had no one to stop her from devouring the child.

  “Shh.” Evan stood and cupped Meela’s cheeks, forcing her to look into his eyes. “I wouldn’t leave if I did not believe there is hope for lost souls.” The tenderness in his eyes made her stomach twist into a funny-feeling knot, one that had nothing to do with the hunger gnawing at her.

  “She’ll be okay then?”

  He glanced back at the human.

  “Yes. But I wasn’t talking about her.” He dipped his head and brushed his lips against hers. A kiss of soothing. A kiss of peace.

  Then, without so much as the ruffling of a feather, he was gone.

  Meela looked back at her prey.

  The child was a prime target to a demon. Desperate and so willing to be led astray, she would be easy to influence. Just fourteen and pregnant, the girl had just turned her first trick. There was a puddle of vomit in the corner and a packet of drugs the john had used as pay was tucked in her pocket.