Embracing Eternity Page 11

  The last time she’d been in this same place, kneeling while the angels awaited her fate, she’d been belligerent, choosing a Fall instead of asking for mercy.

  She wouldn’t be so foolish twice.

  The hums around her suddenly swelled and Gabriel stiffened. The archangel turned to her, his expression…heartbroken.

  Guilty.

  The word passed from angel to angel in horrified whispers. As if the outcome had not been predictable.

  Before her, the ground opened in a pit of fire. The rank breath of Hell surrounded her. Beyond that gaping hole, Lucifer waited, no doubt ready to tear her into shreds. And that would be but the first of her tortures. She wouldn’t be able to talk her way out of this transgression.

  But Evan was home. He was safe from her Master. Safe from her. That was all that mattered.

  Two members of the Host advanced and she stood to meet them.

  “Step aside, demon.” They brushed past her, leaving her waiting before the pit.

  She spun to watch them, confused.

  That was wrong. They should have thrown her in.

  She started to follow them, to ask why they had not taken her. The warriors reached into the mists and took hold of someone. No, not just someone.

  They held a seraph.

  They held Evan.

  “Nooo!”

  She ran at them, screaming, “You cannot do this. Let him go. Let him go, you bastards!”

  She launched at the nearest warrior’s back, pummeling him in a flurry of fists and wings. “You can’t do this. He doesn’t deserve it.”

  Her pleas fell on deaf ears and the warriors dragged an unresisting Evan toward the pit of fire.

  This could not happen. Evan was all that was loving and giving. He couldn’t withstand the eternal torments of Hell.

  “Mercy!” Dropping from the seraph’s back, she ran to throw herself before the throne. “I beg of you. Mercy.”

  Around her the buzz of murmurs stilled and silence reigned.

  Long moments passed and the odd sensation of limbo left her head spinning. Finally gentle hands lifted her until she was seated. Renatus held her, and in his eyes she thought she saw something akin to pity.

  “Mercy, please,” she begged him. “Take me instead. Do not let this happen to Evan.”

  “Taking you would merely return you home,” Gabriel said from somewhere behind her. “That is hardly a punishment.”

  She twisted to face him. “Hell is always a punishment, even to one such as me, but if that isn’t enough I give my soul for him. Destroy me. My existence for his.”

  “We are infinite beings,” Ren chided. “We cannot be destroyed.”

  “Demons can. I’ve seen lesser demons destroyed. Evan did it. I’ve done it. Demons are not infinite. Take me and let him go.”

  “This is much the same as Evan said,” Gabriel confirmed. “You would be willing to sacrifice all for Evan?”

  “Dying might be a mercy,” she admitted. “But I am willing to give up everything for him.”

  The court shone with the first shimmer of the Most High’s approval.

  She extricated herself from Ren’s grasp to once more lie prostrate before the throne.

  “Please, I beg of you, mercy for Evangelos. He wanted only to save me. His heart was filled with love and kindness. Please do not punish him for his generous spirit.”

  “Meela, do not,” Evan said, pulling against the warriors holding him for the first time, but she didn’t listen. She couldn’t afford to.

  Squeezing her eyes shut, she awaited the verdict. Time stretched. The silence around her stretched out until it was deafening.

  Then rough hands grabbed at her, dragging her to her feet, and she found herself between two warriors.

  Gabriel gave her a tight smile. “Congratulations, demon. The Most High accepts your sacrifice and grants mercy.”

  “No!” There were sounds of a scuffle behind her, and she caught a glimpse of Evan fighting the others, fighting to save her.

  But he never had a chance. The warriors dragged her toward the pit and her stomach quaked. This was it. Her soul would be eradicated. Would it hurt? Would there be anything beyond or just…nothing?

  The questions barely had time to form in her mind before the seraphs shoved her forward. Around her, flames roared and for a surreal heartbeat nothing happened.

  Then the pain hit, searing and unbearable. Her flesh was burned from her bones, disintegrating into chunks of charred meat to be eaten by the flames. The stench of burning flesh gagged her. She tried to scream but no sound came. Her lungs had been roasted and her throat burned away.

  Through the fire, she could see Evan. His face was twisted with torment and his mouth open in a scream she couldn’t hear. He was fighting to get to her, but the warriors held him back.

  Hold him tight. Don’t let the fire touch him.

  She couldn’t bear to watch his pain. She wasn’t worth such agony. Meela reached up in an attempt to cover her face, but the skin peeled away under her bony fingers.

  She couldn’t even close her eyes anymore.

  Goodbye, Evan. I’m sorry I never had a chance to tell you I love you.

  Darkness overtook her and for the first time ever, a Fallen angel died.

  Chapter Ten

  Whispers and the shuffle of feet permeated the nothingness. The hushed voices carried an air of urgency.

  Or fear.

  Fear was nothing new to her, but now it felt out of place. A harsh scrape against a backdrop of serenity.

  Meela didn’t want to wake. She didn’t want to leave the sweet dream of home.

  A wave of homesickness roused her with a shockingly abrupt return of awareness. Instead of opening her eyes, she clenched them shut, desperate to recapture that dream of Heaven.

  “Meela?”

  That voice was wrong. Completely wrong. It was gentle and tender, but nothing in her existence was gentle or tender. Not anymore.

  “Wake up, love. Please.” Fingertips grazed over her jaw, never once snagging her scales. Her hair was pushed from her face and the fine strands tickled her skin.

  Hair. Skin.

  She sat up with a gasp and looked around, half expecting to find herself in the humid dirt tunnels of Hell.

  Instead, she stared into the depths of eternity.

  Stars shone with stunning intensity against the blackness of forever. Around her, a rosy cloud enveloped her in love and security.

  She was in Heaven.

  Meela rubbed her eyes, unable to believe what she was seeing. It had to be a dream.

  Her hands faltered, slowed.

  Skin, softer than a dove’s wing, covered her.

  A sob escaped her and she was at once wrapped in strong arms. Arms that were familiar and loved.

  “Evan?” She twisted to see him, half fearing she’d find him Fallen.

  But he wasn’t. His skin was as smooth as ever, his wings as magnificent.

  “You are here? He didn’t cast you out?”

  Evan smiled and Meela tried to blink away the sudden rush of tears. She never thought she would see his beautiful face again.

  “Stop that,” Evan chided, wiping away the tears as they trailed over her cheeks. “There is no crying in Heaven.”

  Heaven. It sounded too good to be true.

  “Am I really? Are we both here?”

  “You are and we are. Your sacrificial offering was accepted.” His face grew serious as he smoothed his hand over her hair. “I never again want to experience the horror I felt when you threw yourself between me and that pit. It was my own personal Hell revisited. I was losing you again. I’d rather Fall than have you taken from me.”

  A shudder rippled through Meela before she could stop it. “Don’t say such a thing. Never even think it. You have no idea how horrible an existence the Fallen lead.”

  He looked for a moment like he wanted to argue, but in the end he simply nodded. Thanks to the mercy of the Most High he would never hav
e any idea of the misery he had narrowly escaped.

  She turned to absorb the heavenscape and snuggled back into him.

  It was a surreal feeling, being back in this place, staring at the milky spew of Heaven against the dark backdrop of forever.

  “What happened, Evan? If my sacrifice was accepted, then how is it I am here now? Shouldn’t I be back in Hell or dead? Why did the Most High save me?”

  “You saved yourself. Before I was brought to trial, you began showing mercy to others. The demon in you began to give way to the angel you had once been. You stopped taking pleasure in harming others. You even played the role of guardian and helped a human to safety.”

  “The pregnant child.”

  “Yes. She is now in a safe place and her child will be born healthy.”

  “She was so frightened.”

  “And yet you didn’t use that fear to your advantage.”

  “I would have, had you not offered me your power. I don’t deserve any recognition for turning her loose.” She had been hungry, and the child in the girl’s womb made her a rich meal. Meela could have fed more generously on her than the other humans available that night.

  “You did more than turn her loose. You sent her to safety. Your actions were noted. More importantly, your heart was softened and the angel in you overcame the demon. Every time you turned away from harming another, the angel inside you grew stronger.”

  Some of what she’d been feeling recently began to make sense to her. She’d felt her own power at times, and turning away from human meals seemed to make her stronger.

  “That was your doing, wasn’t it?” Evan’s power had made it possible for her to stop hunting.

  “No, that change began before I approached you. It is how I knew you were ready.”

  He was right, she realized. For years she’d been dreaming of Heaven, been lost in homesickness. Discontent had grown into misery. Once, the trials she’d visited on mankind had done far more than stave off the pain of starvation. They had provided a thrill. It was a high she had chased as frantically as an addict chased a hit.

  When had that thrill become so hollow?

  “You felt remorse, then, when you didn’t need sustenance from humans, you did not hurt them.”

  “I did no harm.” The pieces of the puzzle began to click into place.

  “Exactly. That is something unusual for a demon.”

  “Some would say impossible.” She laughed, imagining the confusion that must have caused in Heaven.

  “Many said just that. But you didn’t stop there. You went on to try to protect another at cost to yourself.”

  “The girl.”

  “No, me. And then before the Most High, you showed humility.”

  “Not my strong suit.”

  Evan chuckled. “No, it never was. But you did it. You expressed a desire for redemption, and yet you offered to sacrifice yourself for another. These are not the actions of a demon.”

  She pulled from his arms to turn and face him. “Are you saying I wasn’t really a demon?”

  “According to Gabriel, in the core of the Fallen, the soul of an angel remains. That soul is capable of compassion and love, but it cannot live in tandem with the hatred of a demon. It dries up and shrivels but it doesn’t vanish.”

  “And mine came back.”

  “You brought it back. It is unlikely another will ever revive that soul, but you did. The Most High accepted the sacrifice of the demon. She was burned away in a baptism of fire.”

  “And the angel survived to be restored.”

  He winced and looked away. “Mostly.”

  “Mostly?” Did that mean she was only partially here? She quickly checked to make sure nothing was missing but seemed to be whole.

  “The, ah…” Evan glanced over her shoulder.

  “The what?”

  “Your wings.”

  They were there, weren’t they? She fluttered them, double-checking, and was reassured to feel them flap against her back. She pulled one forward to look.

  “Merciful Heavens!” Meela swallowed hard. Her lip began to wobble and she bit it in an effort to stop the trembling.

  Her wings, once regaled as the most beautiful in all of Heaven, were stunted, their sleek expanse nothing but ruins. Not much bigger than her puny demon wings, they were now covered with twisted curls of feathers.

  “They aren’t that bad,” Evan assured her, wrapping her in his arms.

  “They’re ugly.”

  “No they aren’t. They’re cute.”

  “Cute?” Cute was worse than ugly. Cute was the kiss of death.

  “Sweet and fuzzy, like a baby bird’s wings.”

  She tried to push away and glared at him. “Baby birds are some of the ugliest creatures the Most High put on Earth. I’ve snacked on enough hatchlings to know.”

  Evan went still. “Snacked?”

  “Infants carry more power than adults. Besides, they’re nice and crunchy.” She gave him another fruitless shove. “None of this is distracting me. My wings are ruined.”

  She fluttered her misshapen wings in agitation.

  Evan cupped her wings gently, holding them still against her back. “The consequences of our actions cannot be erased. Your wings are different, yes. They show your struggle and are a badge of your worth. Carry them proudly.”

  “They will laugh at me.”

  “No one is laughing at you. No one dares. They are all in awe of your return. I am in awe.”

  He pressed a kiss to the curve of her neck and his hot breath washed over her flesh. A shiver ran through her, making her crave more of his warmth. More of him.

  “Evan.” His name escaped in a prayer of gratitude. She’d been given more second chances than she deserved. A chance to come home, a chance to make amends.

  Forgiveness from Evan, even before she had a chance to tell him how sorry she was.

  That was an oversight she needed to fix.

  “I never got a chance to apologize.”

  Behind her, his body tensed. “There is no need—”

  “There is every need. I chose to make an oath to Lucifer. You gave me so much, but the only thing I could think of was my fear. I had no consideration for anyone but myself. Once made, the oath controlled my actions. I had to fulfill it. I hurt you and I regret that more than I can say.”

  He pulled away and she felt chilled without him.

  “I’m not going to pretend that didn’t hurt. I believed you loved me enough to stand by me. Instead you used the love I’d given you as a weapon. I thought that would finally lay to rest my affections, but it didn’t. In my heart, I forgave you even before I went to trial. Loving you is part of who I am, something I cannot set aside no matter how much pain it’s caused me.”

  “I don’t deserve such loyalty.”

  “You have it, nonetheless. Gabriel said you brought me home. You saved me.”

  “A little too late.”

  “No, love. It was right on time.” He cupped her shoulders and urged her to turn and face him.

  He dipped his head and brushed the merest hint of a kiss across her lips. Every downy feather seemed to prickle and curl tighter at the whisper of contact.

  It wasn’t nearly enough.

  Reaching up, she tangled her fingers in his hair and pulled him closer for a real kiss. Her tongue slipped past his lips to lap at his, teasing him, urging him to play with her. His lips curled into a smile against hers and through her lowered lashes she could see him watching her.

  He kissed her back then, letting his warm power flow through her. It rubbed against hers, stroking, teasing, until she let hers begin to stroke back. Their energies mingled. His relaxed warmth melded with her long-forgotten sparkle.

  They kissed with the back and forth of lazy lovers in a slow caress of lips and tongue. Power ebbed and flowed between them until it blended together like light dancing on a woodland stream.

  She moved, pulling him closer, rubbing her body against his. Their robes sl
ipped against each other, alternately sliding and clinging as she arched against him. The kisses grew hotter and their breathing became rough.

  Evan jerked his mouth free with a rough sound of frustration. “This isn’t working.”

  “I thought it was working just fine.” She threaded her fingers through his hair and pulled him back for another kiss.

  “Mmm…” The sound was a purr against her lips. “That part was working perfectly. This wasn’t.”

  There was a faint ripple in her equilibrium and she found herself nude and on her back. Evan stretched over her, his body pinning hers in place with delicious heat in all the right places.

  “Ah. You’re right. This is much better. Except I didn’t get to see you. Again.” She pushed against him and tried to wiggle free, wanting to see that beautiful cock, hard and begging her to touch it, to taste it.

  Evan’s cheeks took on color. “You don’t need to see. You can feel well enough.”

  “But I like seeing. I like looking and touching and tasting. That’s part of the fun.” She pushed at him until he capitulated and rolled to his back.

  She moved to kneel between his thighs. The soft weight of his balls warmed her knees and his legs cradled her from both sides.

  Even now, he held her, sheltered her.

  She placed her hands on his knees and smoothed them up his thighs. Fine hairs, barely visible to the naked eye, tickled her palms. She reversed direction, this time letting her nails drag over his skin.

  Evan gave a hard shudder and grabbed her wrists to still her.

  “That isn’t fair.”

  “Are you ticklish?” She eyed him speculatively. A ticklish Evan could be fun.

  “I’m just…sensitive there.”

  “Sensitive as in ticklish?” She pulled her hands free and he didn’t try to stop her.

  “Sensitive as in sensitive.”

  Meela put her hand on one hard thigh and he captured her wrist again. “Just sensitive?”

  “Sensitive and maybe a little bit ticklish.” He sat up and put one hand on the small of her back. Its firm weight warmed her and made her want to purr in satisfaction. “But we all have our weaknesses, don’t we?”

  She hummed and leaned back into that hand, but then it started to ease upward. Her eyes narrowed as he inched his way up her spine. He wouldn’t. Would he?